We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
