Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
