i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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