i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
