i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
