I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
