So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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