I think im going to throw up on grandma
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
