so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
