walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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