Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
