i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
