We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
