i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
