My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
