Don't you send me to vm
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize