I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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