she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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