I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
