I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
