i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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