Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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