I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my shit smells like andre
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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