Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
