worst night to have a conscience
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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