i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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