He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You may now shotgun with the bride
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
