i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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