Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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