the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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