White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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