So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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