best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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