You can't special order awesome
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
