I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
