I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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