Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
