your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize