I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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