What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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