Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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