Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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