I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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