Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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