no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
