I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
