i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
