Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
