There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
