as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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