Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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