Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
