I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
