There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
