turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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