may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
