Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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