I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
