I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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