I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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