You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
