My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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