I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
